My, My... How Time Does Fly...

I had all these wonderful intentions to update regularly, and now it's October. Good Lord, time does fly. As a kid, it seemed like time would drag on and on, waiting for a birthday, Christmas, Halloween.... forever. The older I get, time seems to just speed by faster and faster.

Case in point, the Bee is now a two-and-a-half year-old little boy with a personality all his own. Really, the obsession with sports and (soccer, basket, base, foot) balls... Where on EARTH did that come from? Not us! Although he does like Su.perman and Harr.y Potte.r, The Iron Gi.ant and Fin.ding N.emo. He loves to run and play with his friends and we can have actual conversations with him. "Mom? I like this blanket. I think it's better for me." Well, okay! You can use that blanket, then. Cutie.

Here's an exchange from today:

"Mommy! There's a man sitting in a chair. Come see! Let me show you, Mom." As Bee was pointing to our living room, I was wondering if this was an imaginary man, or perhaps my brother or...

Bee points to our DVD collection, where Mr. Right has action figures set up near the films they represent. In front of The Ma.trix, we have Morpheus sitting in a chair, next to a small table with a telephone. This is the man in question. I'm a bit relieved.

"See, Mommy? There's a telephone! I want to touch it..." I guide him away from the action figure, as we've taught him that this is Daddy's Museum, and Not For Touching. Of course, after I leave the room, he opens the glass case and takes the telephone anyway.

"Mommy! Look! I have a telephone!" I thank him, put it back where it belongs and take him out of the room, which is the consequence for touching the things in Daddy's Museum he's not supposed to. He puts up a bit of a fight, and in a couple of minutes, he's fine and excited about his Opah coming over to play.

He's in a big-boy bed now, which is really taking some adjustment on our part. Sometimes at night he'll get out of bed, just to see "What's going on?" This is usually right after we've put him in for the night. Or it's "I want the other one pillow." Or "I want blanket on/off me." He's getting up less in the middle of the night since we've started using a night light in the hallway and leave his door open all night. He does get up early, however. Well, early for us: 6:00 or 7:00 a.m. In his crib, he'd wake up early but play by himself until we'd go in to get him, around 8:00 am. We're trying to teach him that when he gets up he can play quietly by himself until we get up, although he usually comes in to check on us about 7:00 a.m. It's hard to be upset with his smiling, beautiful face saying "Good morning! I love you, Mommy/Daddy!" Really, how can you get mad at that? And that's even considering my husband and I used to be morning people, as far as intimacy is concerned. We've had to change to the evening shift, which is, again, a big adjustment. But kind of exciting.... I mean, if I'm awake enough, we could get together anytime! Which means I'm needing to shave more than once a week. After all this time, I find I need to be on my toes. Now there's an exciting consequence I hadn't considered before... I love mommyhood!

Four for...

She lives!

Ooooh, my first meme! I have been tagged by Snickollet (basically) and in lieu of an update post which I swear is coming (essentailly we're fine, Bee's growing and talking), I thought I'd start with this to get things going again. Yeesh, those blogging joints are achey. Five months?! Good Lord!

Four Jobs I Have Held
1. Stable hand
2. Pizza maker
3. Phlebotomist
4. Illustrator/Project Manager

Four Movies I Could Watch Over and Over
1. Raiders of the Lost Ark
2. Aliens
3. The Man Who Knew Too Little
4. Sliding Doors

Four Places I Have Lived
1. Long Island, NY
2. Rochester, NY
3. Atlanta, GA
4. Central NJ

Four TV Shows I Like
1. Battlestar Gallactica
2. Dr. Who
3. Lost
4. Smallville

Four Favorite Foods
1. Chocolate
2. Palak paneer
3. Cherries
4. Filet mignon, medium rare

Four Places I Would Rather Be
1. With Mr. Right and the Bee, just about anywhere fun
2. Visiting our family in Albuquerque
3. Sorrento, Italy
4. Atlanta, GA

Four People I'm Tagging
1. You,
2. You,
3. You and...
4. You

In grade school, I was always picked last for sports (on account of being 'corroded'), so I like these things where "anyone" can be picked. If you'd like to do one, I'd love to read your answers!

Ugh, shame on me for taking such a long time to post... I'll be back with more soon. Thank you, Clover, for reminding me...

Family

There's a saying: You can pick your friends, but you can't pick your family. I don't think this is precisely true. My personal belief is that your soul does pick your parents. If your parents are abusive or assholian towards you, their children, this is not your fault - it is the free will of the parents. They are not supposed to be abusive or cruel; they are likely in a situation where they are supposed to resist violence. If they don't, they'll have to deal with this conflict in the next lifetime. Or the next. Hopefully parents are kind, loving and compassionate towards their children. I think everyone can agree on that.

Our parents are who they are, flaws and all. Some of us come from loving homes with kind, nuturing and supportive parents. Some of us come from homes that make the Manson family look like Father Knows Best. I'm sure most of us fall somewhere in between.

The more I think about family, the kind I came from as well as friends' families, the more I've been thinking about the kind of family I want to have. Me, Mr. Right and the Bee. That's our family right there. Mr. Right and I have been talking about this a lot, too. We like the Cleaver kind of family setting, but updated: Happy, productive Dad, nurturing, guiding, firm but loving. Handy around the house and enjoys fixing things: taking things apart and puts them back together, good as new. Happy, domestic Mom, cooking, straightening up (good Lord, who has time to clean! Sucontract that job out!), working nearly full-time, takes time to play and read with the kids. A firm, loving teacher who also knows that putting her needs first is not only important but essential. Once your own needs are met, you can happily see to the needs of everyone else. I learned from my own mother what not to do: putting everone else first, thereby creating deep seated resentment for everyone in your family which you then use as amunition in any argument. ("I ALWAYS put you kids first!" shrieked while squinting eyes and clenching teeth). Happy joy.

We spent Christmas Eve at my In-Laws, as we do each year. It was a little cold, and they seemed so high strung with the Bee, now 21 months, running around. "No! Come here! Don't touch that! Here! Come here! Sit with Omie! No! Sit!" Yeagh! The tension! When we left, Mr. Right let loose what had been bothering him about the visit.

"My father barely said two words to me! He was so cold and distant - he's always been moody. Yet he hovers over the Bee like a sticky shadow! And what was with them freaking out over everything Bee did? Clam down. Give the kid some room already! And you know what? You are absolutely right to wait to eat until everyone is seated and has been served. Absolutely right! It's just common courtesy! They never wait! They're like scavengers! Would it kill them to wait and start the meal together like a family?!"

Mr. Right grew up in a household fraught with tension and anxiety; screaming matches were the norm, usually lasting 4 or 5 days out of the week. His dad would be gone for days at a time, and his mother would endlessly complain about his "usless" father. Not somethign a boy needs to hear growing up.

I grew up in what I thought was a normal household. I didn't find out until later that it wasn't normal for your mother to tell you she wanted to kill herself all the time. My father didn't really know how to be a dad, but he learned. He was loving and at the same time, not amused by the usual-kid antics my brother and I pulled off. "I fail to see the humor," was his favorite refrain we heard most often. But he also went to my father-daughter dance my junior year in high school when he was sick as a dog with a fever. At least he keeps learning adn getting better.

We can't control the kinds of families we came from, but we can create the family life we want to have. For example, we have dinner every night as a family. Either Mr. Right or I cook (depending on our schedules), we sit down together, say grace, and enjoy conversaion over dinner. Obviously, we don't expect the Bee to wait to start eating, especially if we get started a little later, but he holds our hands as we say grace and says "Okay!" after the amen. We were not really a say-grace-before-dinner family before, but it seems like such a nice way to start the meal. And, of course, to give thanks for the food we are about to eat.

Bee sees common pleasantries exchanged between his parents on a daily basis... Please and thank-yous have always been said, we laugh a lot and genuinely enjoy each other's company. Our household is relaxed and easy going. We're affectionate, hugging and kissing frequently. The only time we have the television is when we're watching something with Bee, or put something on to accomplish a task (Findi.ng Nem.o, Rata.touille, Toy Sto.ry and the like).

I do wish I could be home with Bee more often, but I need to work. As in, we couldn't afford to hire someone for the work I do. Unless, of course, Mr. Right did all my work, too, in which case he would never see Bee and we would be two ships passing in the night. Naturally, this is not acceptable to either of us, so we are truly fortunate to have Mr. Right's dad watch Bee during the day. He's not ideal, but he's far from a bad choice and we have to work with what we have.

Naptime has really straightened itself out, by the way. As of my typing these words right here, he has been sleeping for 1 hour and 22 minutes. I put him in his crib, when he said "Stay," I said I would certainly stay for a while. I put his little blanket over him as he got into his favorite position, perpendicular at the top of the crib. I sat down on the floor next to him and told how how much I loved him, how happy we were that he choose us and was a part of our family. Within five minutes his little thumb started to slide out of his mouth. I got up, put the monitoron and left the room with the door open just a crack. 1 hour 28 minutes; not bad. I know my in-laws do the exact same thing, so it really works out. That's a huge relief for me.

Gotta run- Bee is up from his nap: 1 hour, 35 minutes. I'll take it! I hope you all are well. Good afternoon, good evening, and good night.

Okay! So, about the naptime issues...

I didn't mean for there to be such a delay in posts, but I kept waiting it out to see if there was any kinds of discernable pattern to the Bee's napping. Know what I discovered? He's all over the place.

It turned out that my FIL was sleeping on the floor in Bee's room, so we had to remind him not to. Now FIL will "settle" him (pats his back, whispers sweet nothings until Bee falls asleep) then goes and hangs out on the couch until Bee wakes up. Can't change that.

When my FIL puts Bee down for a nap, he'll sleep about 2 to 2.5 hours. When I put him down for a nap, he'll sleep 30 - 40 minutes. If he's in the car, he might sleep for 20 min to a little over an hour.

So that's the way it is. I can't change my FIL, I can't really get him to change; I'll just have to deal with Bee getting shorter naps when he's with me. This doesn't thrill me, but I don't see a way around it at this point.

And, BTW, you all totally rock for your responses and advice. I can't tell you how much I appreciate your words of wisdom and/or comiseration! You are all fabulous - I love you, internets.

Next! Weight loss! I'm jumping on the bandwagon. I have a good 20 pounds I've been carying aruond for waaaaaay too long and I'd like to ditch it. Lots of other fabulous ladies are also trying to get healthier: Manuela, Rebecca, ...oh God, I know there are more. Let me know if I've forgotten you - I'm sorry, my mind is a sieve these days.**

Anyhoo, I started working out again in the spring, finally getting back to the gym five days a week (Monday through Friday). I jog on the treadmill at the Y on Monday, Wednesday and Friday, then hit the stairmaster or elliptical trainer on Tuesday and Thursday. The scale at the gym is a little iffy, but I always seem to weigh between 149 and 153.

I've always had this theory that if I stopped eating sweets, I'd drop weight like that (snaps fingers smartly).

So I did. I stopped eating sweets. Totally. Made a pack wth Mr. Right and everything. And found out my theory was utter bullocks. Didn't drop weight like that. shhhhhhhhiiiiiiiiit.

Then I went to the OB for my annual to discover that my weight was actually 154. Not 150, like it said on the gym scale. The only upside to this is I'm down from 160 the previous year, so I've got that going for me, which is nice.

As far as the jogging is going, I've gotten as far as 5.25 miles, and I can go at a rate of 5.8 on the treadmill (no outside jogging for me, I need to see STATS! I must have the number flashing in red in front of me! How far am I going?! How many calories am I burning (approximately)?! How fast am I going?! I haven't gone farther than 5.25 only due to time constraints. The darned Y in my town doesn't open until 6 frickin' 30 in the morning, and I've got to get back by about 7:30 so I can stretch and jump in the shower before we get the Bee up for the day. So I'm working on it. But I feel much better and have more energy.

Still curbing the sweets, but I'm really concentrating on my goal weight of 135. That would be spectacular! Just keep focusing....

So! Anyone else I'm missing on the weight/exercise quest? We could have a little online support system here! Just let me know!

**UPDATED to include Liv, who shounds like she's doing great on the health overhaul. Yay!

Naptime Help Needed...

I implore all you moms out there to read this and offer your opinions and/or advice. I have an issue I need help with and I'm really at a loss at what to do (or if I even need to do anything at all).

The issue is the Bees naps. He naps in the afternoon, for about 2 hours. Sometimes he'll wake up after 40 minutes, make a little noise and go back to sleep by himself. Sometimes he'll make a lot of noise and that will be it for naptime for the day. The naps themselves are not a problem. He's getting plenty of sleep (10 - 12 hours at night, and then the 40min up to 3 hour nap during the day).

My dilema is this: As much as I have told my FIL (who watches Bee during the day while I work), that Bee needs to soothe himself and take naps on his own (which he does on weekends), he persists in lying down on the floor next to his crib and keeping him company (sometimes with his hand through the bars on the Bee). Then when Bee falls asleep, he leaves the room. Bee will nap about 2 hours this way. In the past when I've spoken to him about this he'll change his ways, and then go back to his way after about two weeks. It drives me absolutely mad.

I don't want Bee to grow dependent on having a "napping buddy" but I ask you: Is this harmful? Is this something I'm just being overly nitpicky about or is it something I need to stop? Why ingrain a habit we're only going to have to break later on, when perhaps it might be more difficult? I'm fortunate in the sense that I work right below where I live, so going into my home isn't a problem. It does interrupt my working day, but I'll do whatever it takes to do right by the Bee. I know my FIL loves my son dearly, but the man cannot bear to hear him cry, not for one minute.

Please, I'm begging you guys, what do you think? I'd sincerely appreciate your thoughts on this matter. Thank you in advance.

P.S.: I've got a taker for the formula. Thanks, DD for your response. :)

Anyone Need Some Formula?

In the midst of physical cleaning, I was holding onto some Enfa*mil L*ipil formula, but I realize now I will never use it before it expires (powder unopened expires July '08 and I've got an 8 oz can that expires 10/10/07). Plus, I've got an unopened sample box of the next step formula, from 9-24 mos. The Bee is well on his way, enjoying whole milk and I'd hate to see it go to waste.

Could anyone use this? Leave a comment or e-mail me at right.v.easy at gmail dot com. I'd love to help someone out!

Spring Cleaning

Yes, I know it's August! Due to a comment on my previous post, I've removed all the pictures from my blog, so excuse the flurry of activity, those 19 of you who subscribe on Bloglines. With all that, I thought it was time for a new post anyway. I know, I know - two posts in a month? Be still, your beating hearts! I'll try not to shock you into insensibility.

Amongst the things on my mind is the decision we made, pre-Bee, to never disclose that he was born of a donor egg. The more I've read stories of donor conceived children, as well as other parents who have used donor gametes, this position seemed a little... wrong to me. To keep that information from the Bee, when so many others were privy to it really bothered me. So I discussed this with Mr. Right yesterday and he agreed with me. Thus, officially, we have changed our minds. I discussed this also with my cousin, as she's involved in this as well, and she agrees, too. When Bee is old enough to understand, we'll tell him. I'm going to borrow heavily from the Drowned Girl, because I really like the was she phrases it: Sometimes, doctors have to help a Mommy & Daddy have a baby. Some of Mommys' eggs were bad, so Aunt A gave us some eggs so we could have you. I have to ask her about some of the books she found about explaining donor egg conception to a child... but there you go. I think it would be much better to tell a child growing up that this is the way things are, instead of finding out by accident in his 20's or 30's when it would be a much worse betrayal to come across this information.

By the way, so and visit with Drowned Girl: after a very scary bleeding episode, she finds that she is pregnant with twins! Wowee! Still keeping fingers crossed ;)

Mr. Right and I have also been thinking about adding to our family. We would love to have another child, and I would rather Bee not grow up an only child. (Not that I think there's anything wrong with only children, or with having an only child... we'd just like to try to have another child in our family). I talked to A yesterday to see what her schedule is like next summer, but it seems very iffy. She's in grad school and has a clinical rotation in march for about 8 weeks. Then a break, then summer school with a break before the fall semester starts. Hypothetically we could do it on one of these breaks if it's long enough; she'll find out what the time frame is once school starts up again next week.

One thing we need to take into consideration is planetary influences. I bet you didn't think I was going to say that, did you? After meeting with our astrologer this past weekend, Neptune is in my chart, as well as Jupiter. Apparently, Jupiter loves children, so this fall into next year is an ideal time to get pregnant. As my astrologer said, "I don't care whose eggs you use, but you're going to get eggs from somewhere. This is a very favorable time for pregnancy." With Saturn also in my chart, it's going to be a challenge: nothing sexy or spontaneous about getting pregnant; Saturn loves a science experiment. Good way to sum up IVF, eh? The problem comes in when Uranus enters my chart. Uranus does not like children at all (in Greek mythology, Uranus hated his children with Gaia), and I'd be more prone to miscarry with Uranus, and unlikely I'd get pregnant at all. Uranus enters my chart in spring/summer of 2009, so that would be a good time for a c-section (Uranus=good time for surgery). So these are things we need to think about, too.

Yes, I sure many of you reading this are going to think I'm totally flaky, but I've seen way too many things read true to dismiss as "coincidence." To clarify, astrology is not fate, it's not seeing the future. It's just following a blue print. A home is not a blueprint. It's built with materials of your choosing, and decorated in your own style. Astrology is not about the "how", but it is about the "why". It can explain why you react the way you do in certain situations, why you may click with some but butt heads with others. He gave me some pretty insightful information about my mother. She was born with Uranus in her chart, which reject the maternal. She's not a maternal person. She's attracted to men, but with strange energies. She married my father, who later turned out to be gay. The relationship she had with my brother was not a maternal relationship but co-dependent. She now has formed a new co-dependent relationship with her "second son", an African priest who is very kind, but also very needy. And my mother needs to be needed. She doesn't like women and needs to be in control in every relationship. She has a very "wounded" chart and is in a very miserable place in her life right now. He said it's going to get worse in the spring, so to just be a little nice to her. He added it's okay to have a relationship with her, as there's nothing she can to do me that's too damaging, but it's best to keep it at a distance. There's more, but I've got to get to work.

Hope you all are well and enjoying your day. Thanks to all of you who commented on my last post.