Naptime Help Needed...
I implore all you moms out there to read this and offer your opinions and/or advice. I have an issue I need help with and I'm really at a loss at what to do (or if I even need to do anything at all).
The issue is the Bees naps. He naps in the afternoon, for about 2 hours. Sometimes he'll wake up after 40 minutes, make a little noise and go back to sleep by himself. Sometimes he'll make a lot of noise and that will be it for naptime for the day. The naps themselves are not a problem. He's getting plenty of sleep (10 - 12 hours at night, and then the 40min up to 3 hour nap during the day).
My dilema is this: As much as I have told my FIL (who watches Bee during the day while I work), that Bee needs to soothe himself and take naps on his own (which he does on weekends), he persists in lying down on the floor next to his crib and keeping him company (sometimes with his hand through the bars on the Bee). Then when Bee falls asleep, he leaves the room. Bee will nap about 2 hours this way. In the past when I've spoken to him about this he'll change his ways, and then go back to his way after about two weeks. It drives me absolutely mad.
I don't want Bee to grow dependent on having a "napping buddy" but I ask you: Is this harmful? Is this something I'm just being overly nitpicky about or is it something I need to stop? Why ingrain a habit we're only going to have to break later on, when perhaps it might be more difficult? I'm fortunate in the sense that I work right below where I live, so going into my home isn't a problem. It does interrupt my working day, but I'll do whatever it takes to do right by the Bee. I know my FIL loves my son dearly, but the man cannot bear to hear him cry, not for one minute.
Please, I'm begging you guys, what do you think? I'd sincerely appreciate your thoughts on this matter. Thank you in advance.
P.S.: I've got a taker for the formula. Thanks, DD for your response. :)
posted by Anna @ Wednesday, September 26, 2007
10 comments
10 Comments:
You know, other people will probably disagree with me, but as long as the Bee sleeps the same whether or not there is someone there with him, then I would just let your FIL do what he wants. However, if you get the sense that it is taking you longer to get the Bee to sleep as a result of your FIL sleeping on the floor with him, I would continue to stress your point but just emphasizing it's negative effect on you and on the Bee. You might have to reinforce this every two weeks, but I'm sure that he'll get it. If the reason why the FIL is sleeping on the floor with the Bee is he can't stand to hear him cry - maybe give him some techniques to deal with this.
If Bee is tired, he'll cry for a little while, maybe 5 to 10 minutes, but he'll go to sleep. He usually does this when he goes down for a nap.
For a while my FIL was doing this thing where he'd leave the door open, and talk to Bee which seemed to keep him happy - he'd lie there, talk to him self for a little while and then drift off peacefully. We could then close the door. I thought this is what FIL was still doing when I discovered that he was in Bee's room with him.
Thank you so much for your input Suz. It makes sense to me. Unless it really becomes a problem, it can keep going on. Anyone else like to offer their opinion?
I agree with Suz' advice.
If Bee still settle for you, then I don't think it matters. It's nice your FIL is so sensitive to Bee's feelings! Better over-responsive than oblivious!
Obviously I am completely unqualified to express an opinion,being still 'without baby'. Nonetheless I shall give you it anyway! I don't think it's a problem that your FIL likes to do this. All the (loads of) stuff I have read recently would suggest that keeping a baby happy, calm, comforted, close to his carer is good for him. As suz says, unless it is actually causing you problems with him, why worry?
I am going to have to disagree with some of the comments here Anna because this sort of thing happened to me. My mum would rock my oldest and then sit with him in his room allowing him to stoke her head as he drifted off. This nurturing came back to bite me on the arse because I couldn't get him down for a nap without doing the same. If he woke up in the night he wasn't able to get back to sleep on his own and that became a problem. Brown-eyed-boy was almost three before he learned to fall asleep on his own.
I had to use some tough love with my mum and put my foot down. I'm sure she 'helped' him nap like this when he was visiting her house although she denies it to this day.
Basically this all comes down to you as a parent and what you feel comfortable with. Go with your gut, it will never let you down.
I'm afraid I'm not any help in the naptime area, but I wanted to check in on you anyway...Is the craving for sweets letting up any? I hope you're managing to avoid all those candy bars that are hanging around the office!
Relax! He'll drop his nap well before his school years and a little nap buddy in the meantime isn't a big deal in the long-term.
My first daughter was breastfed to sleep and parented to sleep till she was nearly three and then gradually learned to settle herself. She self-weaned at a little past the age of two - just gave me a kiss and never, ever, mentioned 'baaboo' (her made up word for nursing from the age of ten month's) again! It was beautiful!
She never cried herself to sleep. There was no difficult 'breaking of bad habits' - there were no bad habits - it was all natural - but sadly, in the Western world 'natural' is forgotten by many.
As long as he's getting decent sleep, that's all you need to be concerned about. Good sleep will result in a happy and contented chap.
Suz's comments are great.
I hope the naps (and everything else) are going OK. I'd love to hear how you're doing these days.
This can be such a hot button issue. You have gotten a good smattering of opinions. I do think that interferring with the development of self-soothing techniques can be a negative thing. That said, there are certainly children of certain personalities that suffer no ill effects and learn to self-soothe despite the extra help. But some personalities are hampered by it. My son only had some mild early "assisted" soothing (mostly nursing to sleep), but did go through some very difficult sleep issues between 8 months to 18 mos or so. He still isn't a great sleeper, but I think that too is part of his make-up.
Bottom line: only you know him best and can judge if its a problem. As others said, you gut is a pretty good judge. Good luck!
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