Wednesday, August 10, 2005

One down...

Had our first ultrasound today, where we were treated to a wee dark spot in a larger grey blob that had a tiny white spot inside of the dark spot. First visual confirmation of -*gasp!* - a singleton pregnancy.

This was good, 'cause I sure don't feel pg. Okay, my boobs are a little firmer, sometimes they're sore (and sometimes they're not), I pee more (but I'm also drinking a lot more H2O), and I am having really weird, vivid dreams.

Here's a dream I had a few nights ago... Mr. Right & I were at the doctors' having the ultrasound to look for the sacs. The image was in color, like a badly drawn illustration, and my uterus was large and much like an aquarium: there was sand at the bottom, coral, plastic weeds and fish. The fetus was floating in a little sac attached to the wall of the uterus by a thin little umbilical cord. As we were observing all this, the doctor approved, said he was very happy - everything looked great. Then a fish got startled and changed direction abruptly, cutting right through the umbilical cord. The unattached fetal sac started drifting around the uterus and the doctor, saddened, said "Ah, that's a shame." We said "What just happened?" The doctor replied "The umbilical cord has been severed, so there's no way the baby can get any nourishment. It will just die now. I'm so sorry. There's nothing we can do. Gee, everything looked so good, too." I awoke with a start, panicked. And then I remember there was also an AQUARIUM. In my UTERUS. So I felt better and went back to bed after a quick trip to the loo.

So far I'm 2-0. I keep having dreams something will go wrong, and it's actually fine. I guess I don't have to worry until I start having dreams that everything will be peachy.

I've actually decided to be happy and excited about this. Because it's always touch and go, especially with problems in the past, it's easy to worry and wait until the results are back from each test. If something should go wrong (which lets face it - the only guarantee in life is death), then I will have spent whatever time I had being pregnant worrying. We tried to do that with Ben, too. We tried not to get our hopes up in the even we would have to say good-bye to him. Eventually we gave up and couldn't help but feel excited, wondering about all the good what-ifs. When it turned out that Ben was affected and we had to end our pregnancy, we were grateful later that it was a good experience, and we enjoyed the short time we shared with him.
So there you go. All my levels look good, my hCG is 4,438, which they said is good for size and age. And I can keep up my injections and estrogen tabs. Next week it's back to the clinic to check for the heartbeat...


At 8/10/2005 2:11 PM, Blogger nyl rebma said...

Again, congratulations to you and your husband! I'm happy the doctor did not, in fact, find an aquarium in your uterus -- and instead found a wee embryo doing it's embryonic thing.

I actually JUST had my first pregnancy-related dream. I dreamt I went into labor at 20 weeks and my mother took me to the hospital - but somehow failed to let my husband know. And though I went into labor at 20 weeks, the baby was just fine - a healthy little girl.

Really the dream was about me being upset that my husband didn't know our baby was being born.

Anyhow, where was I?

Oh yes: yay for you guys! Wishing you and the baby well for your next appointment.

At 8/11/2005 11:35 AM, Blogger Captain Hambone said...

Anna -

I caught your address from a comment you left on Julia's blog. I read your archives yesterday afternoon and just wanted to say my heart aches for your family knowing all you have had to go through. I wish you and your husband the best with the new pregnancy. I'm glad you have friends and family who can offer you such strong support.

My best friend recently gave birth to a little girl who died only a few short hours later. They now know that they are both carriers for a genetic mutation and are trying to figure out how to go about conceiving a child who will not be affected. I am going to share this site with her as she will no doubt face similar challenges when conceiving her next.

I appreciate your honesty even though you've had to write some difficult things here. I wish you and your husband the best, and I will be checking back often! Good luck!



Post a Comment

<< Home