Needles and Pins

We were worried, but we were also happy and excited. I was a bit hesitant about the whole boy thing until I talked to my friend L who had two boys and raved about them. They had two very different personalities but were delightful children. The more I thought about it, I quickly warmed to the idea of being a mom to a little boy. Growing up a tomboy myself, I could easily relate and understand climbing trees, catching frogs, snakes and worms, not to mention the many holes I dug in the yard... Just because.

We bounced a few names back and forth, but nothing really blew my skirt up. I woke up at 2 a.m. one working and it hit me - Benjamin! That clicked - that was it. I was always an admirer of Benjamin Franklin, and so was dh; it was perfect.

So now we had a name to the wiggling little baby bee inside of me. The fifteenth week mark passed and I stopped the frequent trips to the bathroom in the wee hours of the night. My acne started clearing up a bit (thank GOD!!!), and I was hard pressed to find jeans that fit comfortably.

The weeks ticked by, and we were growing more and more anxious. The sixteen week mark came and went as our anxiety increased with each passing hour. We were on pins and needles: would we be expecting a bouncing baby boy in mid January, or would we have to do the unthinkable (which we were forced to face and think about)?

The 17th week arrived, and we finally received a call for our genetic counselor: Ben was indeed affected. They took longer because once they performed the biochemical test, they wanted to make extra sure and test his DNA. There was no doubt.

We were crushed. Knowing that this might be a possibility, we were so determined in the beginning not to get our hopes up. As this pregnancy progressed, we couldn't help but get excited. There was also a part of me that was afraid I would never experience this again. I wanted to enjoy it and live it to the fullest while it lasted. I steeled myself and called my OB/Gyn, who was disappointed to learn the results. Because we were 17 weeks along, he said he could induce labor and then deliver Ben. Because he was 17 weeks, he wouldn't live on his own. He said there were some places that would do a surgical extraction, but it would be riskier to me with a higher rate of complication. As we really wanted to try to have another child, we went for labor and delivery.

This was really not the way we envisioned our first trip to the maternity ward.